Poems

flow over me

cooling, encapsulating

soothing to my burning skin

fill my mouth

don’t flinch

let it put out the inward fire

let it take me to the bottom

and let me float

when not even the sea wants me

anymore

I went to the water last night.

It was cool and crisp against my skin.

Was it a creek, ocean, river, or lake?

I can’t remember.

Maybe it was even my own bathtub.

Comfort can sometimes be felt in this house

.

Happiness is fleeting, I feel my heart wither and shrink a little more everyday

The things we do to protect against the pain sometimes hurt more

I try and find the good in things, I remind myself all is not lost

But it’s hard when it’s been years of struggle just to breathe

I believe I like the water for I am drowning in the air anyway

Why not let the water take away my pain?

The naiads love me more than Gaia ever has

Maybe I can be swallowed by some Leviathan

Maybe it will teach me how good life can be again

Maybe I just hear the sound of a Nixie clear and sweet

Maybe I should wear an iron cross to not let the monster grab my feet

The creatures of the deep don’t scare me.

I’ve met many people who seemed lovely at first glance,

The Angler’s bright light. 

But were nothing short of hideous beneath the illusion,

The maw awaits.

Could I be like Gilgamesh?

Swim to the bottom of the sea?

Find the flower of eternal life?

And have a Snake steal it from me?

You are the sun

Bright and warm

Happy

Now me

I am the moon

Forever in a dark place

My emotions move like the tide

In and out and in and out and in and out

Impossible to keep steady

I would love for you to keep me warm

But an eclipse only happens so often

It seems as if I wait for you to come

But only when I leave, do you decide to

I love you but only in the way the moon can love the sun

Forever chasing and wishing

But ultimately knowing I would just steal your warmth

Turn my head like Tourettes

Twist my neck to get rid of regrets

Bad memories, like bugs, flying into my eye

I turn my head quickly, they get caught in colored tresses,

Where they suffocate and

die

Will the name at my birth be on my grave?

Carved in stone, a permanent deface, decry, of the body and life that drew light from the sun

That felt the wind on soft skin, that drew blood, red, when cut

Tears on cheeks, they don’t know me

The real, the thoughts, the love, the hate

The passion, the memories, the real me under the gentile mask

I molted, I shed the skin that didn’t fit, why can’t you see it hurts to be put in constraints again?

And again and again and again and again and again and and and and and…

It hurts, it burns, it feels like sandpaper on sunburned skin to have the ones that love supposedly love me put welts on my mind

Finds the cost of my heartache cheaper than a name replace

I feel already dead, the weight of earth crushing my body

I feel like a ghost, bound to haunt, until my marker is made right

That those who actually love me won’t have a place to mourn, they won’t find me in the name in stone.

I ask again: will the name at my birth be on my grave?

Tapping on the walls of my skull like crows tick on windows.

It's over, it's done, a maggot in my mind eating away the matter that matters to me.

A weevil in the hay, my hair straw and string that you burrow in.

A rat in the walls, you stay under my skin.

A tick, sucking the life from the source.

A pest that won't leave.

That is all you are to me.

I don’t live for another

I live for the moon

And in her full light

I start to swoon

Dancing in a meadow

Spinning round and round

I begin to laugh as I fall down

The moon is the goddess

The goddess of yore

And I feel such love from her

Being one of the children she bore

The mother in the sky loves me

I know this to be true

Because even though she waxes and wanes

She comes and visits when the sky is blue

Sky mother I live for you

Because needing nothing to live for at all

Would be so untrue.

The father

The sun

The light of morn

Father please tell me

Why was I born?

In a meadow, in a patch, in a garden so green

A beautiful babe, a child from your queen

Father you found me

On your way through the sky 

You swore to protect me

Until the day you would die

O father what happened

What happened to you

I am still your queen’s child

I never gave up, not on you

I needed protection, a loving embrace

When the stars disappeared

I became your disgrace

Father o father

I can’t live for you anymore

Because you gave up on the child you bore.

Starlight, starlight

Where did you go?

I ponder under smoke of tobacco

The sun hasn’t been the same

And the moon has dimmed

Were you killed or were you tamed?

My life has been damned

By father and father before

I don’t have much love, no not anymore

Starlight, starlight, please

O, please

Come back to me

Shine upon this meadow once more

And let us make a witch’s brew as you promised

Fill it with dandelion, rose and sycamore,

Fill it with anise, cinnamon, and willow,

Honey, lavender, mint,

And hemlock so I may join you as I rest on my pillow

Living for you is a heavy burden I feel

But I would rather not live at all then to forget

The love you showed me outside of your casket